Midterm Status Report

It's about that time of year - heading further into Fall - that schools have midterms and (more interesting to us these days) the college football season is about halfway over. Go Irish! 7-0, yeah!* So we thought it would be good to give a status report of where we are. The home study is so much about behind-the-scenes stuff, but it can be nice to review how far we've come so far - because we're making great progress!

DONE
- monthly expenses sheet
- overall financial information with documentation (bank account, retirement, etc.)- evacuation plan & floor map of our house - fire safety survey & fire inspection - our autobiographies - guardianship agreement- employer letter for Dan- certified driving records- physicals for adults- Dr. letter for Zelie and overall health history- copies of: birth certificates, marriage certificate, adoption decree, latest taxes, auto insurance, and life insurance- several "sign and date" forms, such as the fee schedule and service agreement with our agency- 4 reference letters plus 1 reference who meets in-person with our social worker (don't think the in-person meeting has happened yet, but all references are in



STILL NEED TO DO
- fingerprints 
- child protective services background check - out for processing
- child support background check - out for processing
- meetings with our social worker - will happen once the above 3 items are completed

So we are well over halfway done!!!

Which is great news because our other big project - Dan completing his PhD - is also moving full speed ahead. The day after Columbus Day, he handed in seven copies of his printed and bound 300+ page dissertation (!!!) What a relief! Now he is awaiting a date for his defense, and of course will be preparing for that throughout the Fall.

"I wrote ALL of this?!?!?"

*Speaking of football (can you tell we're a bit obsessed? ;)) - we had the amazing opportunity to attend a Notre Dame game at Notre Dame, thanks to one of Bethany's former coworkers passing on tickets that she won but couldn't use. It. Was. AMAZING!! We were at the ND-Stanford game, which was incredible. Such an energizing atmosphere, and a great getaway weekend for us in the midst of a busy Fall. (Zelie had just as good a time at home with Bethany's parents.)

life motto

Happy to say that Zelie can recognize the golden dome ;) 

Goooooo Irish!!

And afterwards, someone was very happy to welcome Daddy home :)

Thank you for your continued prayers for us!!

Adoption Pilgrimage, Round Two!

That's right - we have officially started the process to adopt a second baby who will be Zelie's little brother or sister :) We had been talking about taking this step for a while - we would love to have a few kids, God willing! - and decided late summer would be the best time to start: Zelie is over a year old now, so we have some parenting practice under our belts; we're coming up to the end of Dan's PhD work this Fall (hooray x1000); and we feel emotionally & financially ready (or as ready as you can be!) to jump back in to the world of paperwork and the waiting pool and all the ups and downs of trying to adopt.

Please pray for us!!!

This time around, we'll still be doing our home study with Barker in Bethesda, MD who we LOVE and have learned so much from over the years. Sadly the wonderful staff person who guided us through our last home study has moved on to other exciting ventures - but we're looking forward to getting to know the new staff there since our last go-round in 2015; they've all been great. We've met with Barker once so far to talk through the second adoption and to get the expected big, big stack of paperwork to complete.

For placement, we'll be working with An Open Door agency in Georgia, who we had actually been fully signed up with in 2017 for a few months before we ended up adopting Zelie through different channels. But we had a great experience with An Open Door for the time we interacted with them and we think they'll be a good fit for us this time around.

In case you're wondering (as we were), yes, we have to do pretty much an entire home study once again. The reason for this is 1) certain forms we've already done have expired, for example background checks; and 2) our family now looks different than when we were trying to adopt the first time around, namely we are 3 persons! So our agency wants to examine our current family and talk through the dynamics that are different.

There are some things that will be simpler/easier for this home study. For those who are curious, here is what we have to do this time around (with notes about whether/how the second home study is different):

- monthly expenses sheet
- overall financial information with documentation (bank account, retirement, etc.)
- evacuation plan & floor map of our house (already done)
- fire safety survey & fire inspection (have to do it again)
- our autobiographies (just need to update them)
- guardianship agreement
- employer letter for Dan
- certified driving records
- fingerprints (these expire after 1 year)
- child protective services background check (also expire after 1 year)
- child support background check
- physicals for adults
- Dr. letter for Zelie and overall health history
- copies of: birth certificates, marriage certificate, adoption decree, latest taxes, auto insurance, and life insurance
- several "sign and date" forms, such as the fee schedule and service agreement with our agency
- 4 reference letters plus 1 reference who meets in-person with our social worker

And after all this: several in-person meetings with our social worker, who writes the official home study report

Writing it out, honestly it doesn't seem like as much this time (which it literally isn't). Of course it will be work and take time (and cost money), but doing this again feels a lot less daunting than the first time around! And we know some tips and tricks, like: the fire inspection will probably require whoever is here to completely remove a first floor window...the physicals require fasting the night before for the TB test...don't mail originals of stuff b/c they might get lost...and so on. We're basically pros now ;)

Concurrently with this work, we'll be consulting with An Open Door about when to start their application process, which will necessitate much of this same information and some different things as well. And we'll be updating our profile book to include our beautiful daughter!

Our working goal is that we're "LIVE" in the waiting pool just after Dan defends his dissertation in the Fall - since that's one of verrrrry few life events that he can't not show up for, even for a baby that needs us to come right now and pick him/her up! So that means that at the very latest, by the end of the calendar year we'll be ready to consider possible adoption situations (God willing).

Pray for us!

- Dan, Bethany, and Zelie

Traveling Internationally with a Toddler

And now for something not quite adoption related....but Zelie related :) We had the opportunity to spend 12 days on pilgrimage in Poland this summer, visiting sites important to three powerhouse saints: St. John Paul II, St. Faustina, and St. Maximilian Kolbe. It was an amazing time! I thought it would be fun (and possibly useful for others, or for us in the future!) to share what we learned about traveling with a toddler overseas.

One of my fav pictures....I love her energy and joy! With the mermaid patroness of Warsaw in the background

Cliff notes: The good moments on our trip were made extra good by having Zelie with us, seeing her excitement and wonder and experiencing Poland as a family - and the challenging times were...a bit more challenging (or a lot), having a little person to care for in foreign country, away from lots of our usual "tools" for parenting. It was definitely worth it to be together as a family, but took a good amount of extra thought and preparation, and extra flexibility while there, much different than trips we've done just as a couple.

happy traveler, in a traditional Polish outfit

Below, some gear and tips we found useful on our trip:

Traveling - Plane

Goal: arrive safely to destination with toddler! without losing our minds!

Tips:

• If possible, fly overnight so the toddler feels ready to sleep during the flight; we had an overnight flight to Paris on the way there, and she fell asleep easily - we put her in pajamas before boarding and then snuggled her with her bunny and a bottle, as close to home as possible

sleeping peacefully somewhere over the Atlantic - note the "baby seatbelt"; it attaches to the adult seatbelt and at least for Air France / KLM is required on take off and landing

• As a gesture of good will to nearby passengers, we brought along earplugs and candy to hand out (laffy taffy - haha) and proactively apologized for Zelie's potential noise! Only a few people wanted the plugs or candy, but everyone smiled and I think it did help when Zelie cried
• At least for Zelie's age (15 mo's) toys were overrated - we did all this research, bought several new toys, and she was mainly interested in pressing the TV buttons, throwing stuff on the floor, and walking up and down the aisles with us; hey, whatever works! The only toy that kept her interest for a while were suction cups (see below)
• Lots of airports have play areas for kids - Dulles and Warsaw both did, and we made sure to give Zelie time in there before the flight to burn off some energy; and we definitely cleaned her hands very thoroughly after she was done! #germs
• Absolutely use the family boarding! I don't know why you wouldn't, but it is pretty sweet to get to board almost-first, get out the gear, etc.
• Realize there's only so much to do when the toddler gets cranky! We did our best just to stay calm, have a sense of humor, take turns / take breaks, and remember that the flight wouldn't last forever and we would never see the people around us again....
  

• 

  What we look like at 6:30 a.m. Paris time / 12:30 a.m. DC time - aka our 5 minutes in Paris

Gear: 

• Two small travel pillows that "puff up" when you unzip them and then squish down to pack; we put these on our laps so Zelie could lay on them and it minimized the heat from our bodies (she is a HOT little girl!) - and they were more comfy than the thin pillows provided by the airline.

Thermarest compressible travel pillow

• Several changes of clothes - our worst nightmare was running out! which we didn't
• Comfort animal - Zelie's is a stuffed bunny
• Suction cup toy - we brought three along. These are neat because they stick to almost anything - the window, tray table, etc. They kept her interested in unsticking them, stacking them, and of course throwing them on the floor (which told us the game was over! haha).

"Fat Brain Toys Suction Cupz" (yes, with a Z)

• Lysol wipes to wipe down the tray table (germiest part of the plane), back of the seats, arm rests, etc.
• Powdered milk to drink (mix with water) since we couldn't count on keeping real milk cold the whole flight; we did get real milk from the stewardess once or twice
• Overnight diapers to extend the time she could wear them - honestly this didn't seem to make a big difference, but it was worth a shot

Traveling - During Trip

Goal: get happily from one place to the next

Our pilgrimage was fairly intense, with lots of walking, visiting churches, doing stuff, etc. So we put thought into how to make these full days good for Zelie, and us.

Tips:

• Realize traveling with a toddler will mean some adjustment; Zelie needed time each day to run around and explore, which didn't also fit with our group's schedule. One of us would "hang back" from the group during a tour, for example, to give her wiggle time, and there were two days that Bethany and Zelie stayed behind completely as the group traveled - but it was definitely worth it to go even if we couldn't participate in everything

Happily stretching her legs at the WWII memorial in Warsaw

• In the same vein, transitions (from place to place, vehicle to place or whatever) may or may not fit with Zelie's nap schedule, food schedule, etc. We just did what we could to give her time every day to rest, run around, explore, etc. - and she turned out to be pretty flexible and could adjust as needed.

Gear:

• Rain cover for stroller - we only ended up using this once, but were glad we had it; Poland was supposed to be more rainy than it was, so better to be prepared!

The rain cover is folded back but ready to use - it didn't add much weight to the stroller and was nice for quick showers (Jeep brand)

• Light blanket plus clips - the clips let us attach the blanket to the stroller top when Zelie fell asleep, so she could sleep longer while we were out

Napping - stroller reclined, light blanket clipped on. Also cooler hanging off the back.

• Stroller - obviously the most important piece of the puzzle; ours is a Chicco Capri bought from Craigslist. Pluses are that it is VERY light, which was great for all the stairs we had to carry it up; it folded up super easy; was comfy for Zelie; and reclined somewhat. Cons are that the shocks didn't seem that great, so cobblestone streets got really bumpy; and the under-stroller storage was teeny-tiny. If we did it again, I would probably look for more storage and maybe slightly bigger / more sturdy, although I hesitate to go heavier...it's a trade-off.
• Sun hat is important since weather can be unpredictable

sun hat coming in handy

• Same goes for a rain jacket for toddler & parents
• Portable hand sanitizer - this was used every day multiple times; we clipped it right onto the outside of the diaper bag so instantly accessible 

clutch

• Baby carrier - we used our Tula every day, both when it seemed Zelie needed some extra cuddles/a nap and for places where the stroller couldn't go (Krakow's ancient Wawel castle/cathedral being an example) We used it in back carry mode when she was awake, and front carry when it was her nap time. It's a bit bulky so mainly we stuffed it under the stroller (where it took up all the space).

Nap time at the Archbishop's Residence in Krakow - she would sleep for up to 2 hours like this, which was perfect if we were at a place for that long

Eating

Goal: getting toddler enough food!

We are fortunate that Zelie is a good eater who will try just about anything, and likes most things. Right now she still has bottles of milk or juice for nap/bed/comfort, and other than that eats solid foods. We did bring some food along (see below) but mostly just gave her stuff off our plates when we ate, plus had plenty of juice or milk at the ready.

Gear: 

• disposable travel placements we could stick to the table so Zelie could grab food - this was great for places that had a high chair but no tray table

worth it

• a silicone wipe-able bib that catches food and was full coverage - great for all meals, especially when we were holding her (no high chair)

Enjoying Pope John Paul II's favorite dessert, a super sugary cream cake

• lots and lots of squeezy pouches for times when other food wasn't accessible - these were great because they didn't require refrigeration and were familiar to Zelie; I bought 40 before leaving home - a plus was that as we went through them, we then had space for souvenirs
• squeezy pouch lids, so she can't make a huge mess (we use these at home too)

so useful

• a medium cooler to keep bottles, pouches, snacks, and an ice pack - this hung off the back of the stroller so it wasn't an extra thing to carry

9-cup size, Mier brand - this worked well, a good size with straps that fit on the stroller handles

• powdered milk, especially for plane travel and also for nighttime feedings so we didn't have to walk a distance to the kitchen
• Hand & face wipes were perfect for cleaning up after meals in the absence of washcloths

we used so many of these

Tips: 

• you can take ice packs through security BUT only if they are frozen...which became an issue for us on our Paris layover on the way there; we had to go through security again (not sure why) and because the ice pack was melted, it was now "forbidden" according to the security officer....and tossed. Good thing we had a second (unfrozen) one in our checked luggage!
• For us, we always made sure to have at least 2 bottles - for Zelie, bottles are her "relax" time that I think helped on the long days; we would use fruit juice (available almost everywhere) or milk when we could get it, and pack it in the cooler with an ice pack

enjoying a bottle in the bell tower of Wawel Castle.....only a giant bell from the 1300's, no big deal, keep drinking...

• Whatever you do....do NOT pack an OPENED tin of powdered milk in your husband's luggage....even if you think the lid is on good and tight, you just might open his suitcase in Warsaw, after traveling all day and just wanting to sleep, and discover that the tin has opened and a fine dust of powered milk is all over ALL of his clothes......and so you have to do laundry with the tiny little washing machine and no dryer when you can barely keep your eyes open....not that that happened to us or anything ;)
• Seriously, squeezy pouches are the BEST; they filled in so many gaps for us so easily, were fairly light to bring on our trip, and gave us peace of mind that we'd have something healthy and yummy for her during the days

Sleeping

Goal: everyone get at least *some* sleep!

Gear:

• Sound machine so she had familiar sounds as at home
• Adapter plugs for wherever you're going (listed here b/c the sound machine is so important)
• Batteries for sound machine (we did plug ours in, so this was "just in case")
• Place for baby to sleep - we were able to borrow a pack & play from our guide's sister in county, so we used that

Tips:

• We tried to replicate our routine at home as much as possible: clean diaper, pajamas, bunny, bottle, snuggling, bedtime; most nights it did work fairly well - of course she was up some nights, or needed to come into bed with us, but we were fortunate that she still slept fairly well while on our trip
• Jet lag! Is hard on toddlers! For whatever reason, the 6-hour time zone difference didn't seem to faze her much traveling east to Europe - maybe because she had a fairly normal night sleep during our overnight flight? But coming back home - ouch. It took about 5 nights for her to sleep until at least 6 a.m.....the first night home, she was up at midnight, ready to go! That was rough. The most we could do was try to convince her it was still nighttime: darkness, quiet, bottle, rocking. And basically just waiting for her internal body clock to get re-set.

Bathing: we gave her a full body water bath twice (once in a tub without a shower, once in a shower without a tub, go figure) but the other days we used the Johnson & Johnson head to toe wipes, which were perfect for freshening her up without a full bath.

Final thought: Traveling with a toddler overseas is more work, takes more thought and more adjustment, but is definitley doable and worth it!! 

Happy to hear any thoughts from folks who have also traveled with their toddlers!

Zelie's Adoption is Finalized!

We are happy to share that Zelie's adoption has been officially finalized and she is now a Meola!

How it all happened:

We met with our Maryland social worker for the third and final time in September 2017, after which she sent in her final report to our California social worker. Then in late November, we had to send some notarized forms to our lawyer's office, official court forms stating that yes, we intend to adopt Zelie. Once those were received, our lawyer requested a court date for Zelie's finalization hearing. Since it was the end of the calendar year and coming close to Christmas, we didn't get a date until January 2018. January 5th, to be exact.

So that Friday, Dan took off work and we made ourselves available all afternoon. Our lawyer and one of his coworkers would be present at the court on our behalf, and at some point the judge would call us to be part of the process too. We knew it could be any time that afternoon (morning in California) and we were both surprised to be kind of nervous! Even though the finalization hearing is pretty much bureaucratic (all the big "pieces" are done and approved), it still felt like a big deal to be talking to a judge!

Finally the judge called and we were sworn in, had to promise that yes, we would tell the truth, and yes, we were Dan and Bethany. From there, the whole conversation took less than five minutes! The judge asked us to reconfirm that yes, we knew that by adopting Zelie we would be responsible for her as her parents, that she would inherit our estate (that one kinda made us chuckle....all our ancestral lands tee hee ;)), and basically yes, we do want to adopt her. All softball questions! 

At the end of this short exchange, the judge said very officially that "I now pronounce you Zelie-Louise Layla Rose Meola." (!!!!) It reminded us a lot of a wedding! Pronouncing a new name, a new place in a family. Wow! We both were more moved than we thought we would be, and some happy tears were shed.

Zelie did beautifully, too! She enjoyed a yummy bottle very peacefully the whole time :) All in all, it was a beautiful moment for our family and reminded us very much of the amazing gift it is to be Zelie's parents.

What's next:

We received the official adoption order in the mail about a week later, and we will use that for all kinds of things: getting Zelie a social security number, applying for her passport, filing our taxes as a family of three this year, and officially changing her name on insurance cards and such. So (surprise!) there is still more paperwork to do :) But functionally, our adoption of Zelie is DONE. Period, full stop, closed parenthesis. For the first time in over two years, we're not "in the adoption process" - it feels a little strange!

So this blog has chronicled our adoption journey from beginning to end.....and God willing we will chronicle adoption #2 here as well whenever we start on that journey! For now, we are just so filled with gratitude at this amazing little girl who is almost 10 months old, and we thank God every day for her courageous birth parents and all the people who love her so very much.