We are happy to share that Zelie's adoption has been officially finalized and she is now a Meola!
How it all happened:
We met with our Maryland social worker for the third and final time in September 2017, after which she sent in her final report to our California social worker. Then in late November, we had to send some notarized forms to our lawyer's office, official court forms stating that yes, we intend to adopt Zelie. Once those were received, our lawyer requested a court date for Zelie's finalization hearing. Since it was the end of the calendar year and coming close to Christmas, we didn't get a date until January 2018. January 5th, to be exact.
So that Friday, Dan took off work and we made ourselves available all afternoon. Our lawyer and one of his coworkers would be present at the court on our behalf, and at some point the judge would call us to be part of the process too. We knew it could be any time that afternoon (morning in California) and we were both surprised to be kind of nervous! Even though the finalization hearing is pretty much bureaucratic (all the big "pieces" are done and approved), it still felt like a big deal to be talking to a judge!
Finally the judge called and we were sworn in, had to promise that yes, we would tell the truth, and yes, we were Dan and Bethany. From there, the whole conversation took less than five minutes! The judge asked us to reconfirm that yes, we knew that by adopting Zelie we would be responsible for her as her parents, that she would inherit our estate (that one kinda made us chuckle....all our ancestral lands tee hee ;)), and basically yes, we do want to adopt her. All softball questions!
At the end of this short exchange, the judge said very officially that "I now pronounce you Zelie-Louise Layla Rose Meola." (!!!!) It reminded us a lot of a wedding! Pronouncing a new name, a new place in a family. Wow! We both were more moved than we thought we would be, and some happy tears were shed.
Zelie did beautifully, too! She enjoyed a yummy bottle very peacefully the whole time :) All in all, it was a beautiful moment for our family and reminded us very much of the amazing gift it is to be Zelie's parents.
What's next:
We received the official adoption order in the mail about a week later, and we will use that for all kinds of things: getting Zelie a social security number, applying for her passport, filing our taxes as a family of three this year, and officially changing her name on insurance cards and such. So (surprise!) there is still more paperwork to do :) But functionally, our adoption of Zelie is DONE. Period, full stop, closed parenthesis. For the first time in over two years, we're not "in the adoption process" - it feels a little strange!
So this blog has chronicled our adoption journey from beginning to end.....and God willing we will chronicle adoption #2 here as well whenever we start on that journey! For now, we are just so filled with gratitude at this amazing little girl who is almost 10 months old, and we thank God every day for her courageous birth parents and all the people who love her so very much.
Wow, the last week has been such a whirlwind!! We are overjoyed to announce the birth of our daughter Zelie-Louise Layla Rose, who was born on April 6, and entrusted to us by her birthparents on April 10. Welcome to the outside world, Zelie, and to our family!
There is so much to say about the last few days....and we are operating on significantly less sleep than usual, so this will probably be short-ish, with more posts later. Here are some thoughts for now:
We were able to meet Zelie's birthmother and several members of her birth family prior to birth, which was really special. We ended up staying in the hospital on Thursday and Friday night, sharing a room with Zelie and her birthmother. That was a really precious time for us, and we hope that we were supportive to Zelie's birthmom too.
About her name: Zelie is pronounced like "Kelly" but with a Z. Zelie-Louise comes from two French saints, St. Zelie and St. Louis Martin, who were canonized in 2015 (we were there in Rome for the canonization!). They were a holy married couple. Google them if they're unfamiliar. One of their daughters is more well-known: St. Therese of Lisieux. Louise is also special because of our friend Louise who passed away in March. Layla Rose is a gift to Zelie from her birthparents, who chose that name for her. Rose is a family name for us too (Dan's paternal grandma was Rosina so we were happy to name her after his Grandma as well), and as a few friends have pointed out, St. Therese is associated with roses, so it all fits together! As we have been saying: it's a long name packed with a lot of love.
About Zelie: she is a delightful baby! Praise God, she is fairly healthy. She only had to stay in the hospital until Saturday and then was discharged at the same time as her birthmom. She is eating great, sleeping like a normal baby (she prefers to sleep in our arms but does okay in her pack and play too), she makes all kinds of cute noises and faces, and is just a pure joy. We love being parents for her! They also say "sleep when the baby sleeps," but it's hard when the baby is just so cute and you want to stare in wonder at her!!
About her birth: that really is her birthmom's story so we won't go into detail. One special thing to note is that her birthmom asked Bethany to be in the delivery room, which was such an incredible honor, and Bethany was able to cut the umbilical cord. We were impressed at what a strong and nice woman her birthmom is, and we have enjoyed so much the opportunity to get to know her while we're in California.
That's about it for now - more later! We'll leave you with a few more pics of Zelie :)
baby headband!
baby burrito!
She is listening to "ocean," like a true California baby :)
Her Maryland outfit!
Eyes open and happy!
Some daddy and daughter cuddle time! More pics to come later...
Here is the much, much longer version of our "match." Part of the reason we're writing it up is to remember these extremely special moments. Be aware that we are not including all the information we have about the baby and the expectant parents, partly to protect their privacy and partly because as we have learned in our adoption training, fundamentally this story is the child's story. We won't be sharing medical information, diagnoses, parents' background, etc., that we would want the child to hear second-hand.
But that still leaves a LOT to say!!
Back-up to Monday, February 6. Right after we got home from work, we realized we had a phone message from the director of St. Joseph's Adoption Ministry (the original agency we had signed up with over a year ago). It was about a little girl in California, due April 1, with some information about her and the situation, and were we interested?
We needed a little more information, and after we got that from the attorney in California who was working with the expectant parents, then we said yes the following day (Feb 7) to showing our profile.
Then came some looooooong and somewhat torturous days of waiting (per usual). We knew that the parents were given our profile on Thursday, February 9, and initially we thought that if they liked us, we might be setting up a phone call with them that night or shortly thereafter. But no. The next week started, and when we checked back in with the attorney's office (he and his staff were always very gracious) we were told the parents hadn't yet decided but that they were looking at our profile and others. The attorney was also helping the parents with some crisis-level problems, which was understandably occupying everyone's time.
So we waited some more, and mid-week that week, the attorney's assistant let us know that the parents were now considering our profile and ONE other family's. (!!!!) It felt like we were *this close* to winning the lottery and yet something even better because c'mon, what compares with the great gift of a child?! The tension just kept increasing....
Then they told us on Friday, February 17th that the expectant mother would make her decision by the afternoon. ...But no call came. One more day passed and we were both at a family event on Saturday. Dan, in particular, thought all hope was lost on this case. He was very sad; we both thought this would end like other cases, with a "no". Another day came and went, and it was Monday, February 20th. Dan emailed the lawyer's office and asked politely what the answer was, even it was a "no" so we could grieve and move on. He got what seemed like an ominous email, "Dan, could you please share with me the best number to reach you and Bethany today, in case the lawyer has to call you?" We thought it was just a formal call to say we were not chosen. Instead, the lawyer called and said that the mother wanted to talk with you!!! At the time, we were sitting on our porch enjoying the unseasonably warm February weather, enjoying our day off (President's Day); the call came during the 3 o'clock hour, which in our Catholic tradition is the hour of mercy.
About ten minutes later, we are talking with the expectant mother! What do you say in such situations? Come Holy Spirit! (And we needed a lot of the Holy Spirit, too, because there was a bad phone connection! Ugh! Thankfully, we don't *think* we missed any important details.) We ended up talking for over an hour and it was one of the most amazing and unforgettable conversations. We can't go into those private and intimate details of the conversation, but we were really blown away by the beauty of her desire to do what is right for her daughter. We assured her that she would always be viewed as a hero by her daughter for this heroic act. We really enjoyed talking with her and we look forward to getting to know her and the father if they want to get to know us. We also wanted to affirm her that no matter her choice with who she chose for the adoption, that she was courageous for what she is doing and she is giving a great gift to her daughter.
In short - it was truly a holy hour, and no matter what was a chance for us to encourage a woman facing a difficult situation. What a blessing.
The call ended around 4:45....and we had friends coming over for dinner at 5! We had done nothing to prepare but they were so gracious when they arrived and found us scrambling around, giddy and kind of spacey after such an intense time!
Then more waiting came... Would she choose us? Did she like us from our conversation? We prayed a lot that evening for her, the father, and the child. As providence would have it, we had a Eucharistic holy hour to go to that evening and we were able to go to this holy hour with two really great and holy sisters from the religious order Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy (St. Faustina's order) who work with Dan. All of us prayed and prayed that evening for a successful match, for the mother and father, and just tried to rest in Christ's love during this anxious period of waiting.
Tuesday, Feb 20
The morning was uneventful, which we expected because of the time zone difference between MD and CA. At Mass - wow - the Gospel included this line: "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me." That word....receive! Chills!
Around 3:30 p.m. (again the hour of mercy) Dan received a phone call from the lawyer! He had his supervisor in his office for a meeting and had to quickly ask him to leave! How embarrassing, but his supervisor was gracious and understood the importance because Dan mentioned it was an adoption lawyer. Would it be good news or bad news? Another rejection or the miracle we had been waiting for, waiting for almost six years?
Dan's experience:
The lawyer said, "We have an adoption plan." Dan, confused by this language, asked bluntly, "Wait does this mean...we are matched?" Lawyer: "Oh sorry, yes!" Dan: "Wow, this is incredible..." (stumbles for words and thoughts) as the lawyer continues to talk about all the details of what happens next. Dan quickly waking up to his senses then shot off a quick email to Bethany. Lawyer went over a few more details about paperwork and the situation and then the phone conversation was over. It was about 4:00 p.m.
Bethany's experience:
At about 3:30, Dan emailed Bethany saying "might be running late - talking with the lawyer." Bethany responded "And???????" Oh boy - what suspense! Dan emailed back "can't talk"; Bethany said "I am literally dying over here" [using "literally" improperly in a fit of emotion]; and finally Dan emailed "it is good!" Bethany left her desk and went down to the chapel on the first floor - so filled with emotion, thanking God, feeling just overcome with gratitude, relief, joy, so much... Dan called a few minutes later: "Are you sitting down? ....We're matched!"
Bethany then left work and began walking up the street to the Shrine where Dan works! She stopped in Mary's Garden (where Dan had first asked her to date) to pray and cry - and then on to the reliquary chapel at the Shrine. She lit a candle to John Paul II for the baby, parents, and everyone involved.
This is how she felt! (Elinor)
We met in the chapel with one of the happiest of smiles and biggest hugs we have ever had in our marriage. Tears rolling down our faces, we said a quick joyful prayer together to the Lord in front of a first-class relic of Saint John Paul II and prayed for his intercession (and thanked him too since we know he was working with Christ on this one!).
We felt like this too:
Then we were off to fill out paperwork, but we had to first buy a printer and set it up. We had been putting off that purchase for some time! So it took some time to set up the printer and finish the paper work (a big long contract and other forms). It was about 9:30 p.m. when we were finished and all we wanted to do was shout from the mountaintops with joy. Should we call someone to tell them the news or wait until tomorrow? How could we wait with such joyful news?! So we called friends and family! The last call was at 10:40 p.m.! Yup, we woke up more than one friend that evening :-) But it was so amazing to share and to hear the joy in their voices and the tears that were heard through the phone! We are blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends and so much love...
Yes, our future little daughter (with chills of humility we write those words), whom we barely knew, was already beginning to have a huge impact on the world, sending a ripple of joy through the hearts of so many throughout the country she has yet to meet. Isn't it amazing the joy one child in the womb can bring to hundreds of people, but especially to these two hearts of ours?! We're overcome by the beauty of it all.
We are so excited to be parents and to shower this child with much love. For close to six years throughout the suffering of infertility, we have prayed and waited patiently to be a father and a mother and we know that all the waiting is not in vain, but just served to strengthen our love for this little one. And so many already have shown immense love to our child, especially the ones reading this blog. We feel the prayers and support of each person.
We know that between the next few weeks hold uncertainty - after birth in California, there is a 30-day revocation period within which parents can decide to parent and not place their child for adoption. We realize this is a risk. But more than anything, we see this time as an opportunity to LOVE this precious little girl and her parents - to prepare our hearts and home to welcome this little one and to pray every single day for her and her parents. No matter what happens in the weeks to come, this is an incredible gift. We move forward with cautious optimism and hopeful JOY!
However, despite our immense joy, the last words of this post have to be love and admiration toward the heroic expectant mother and father for choosing to place their child for adoption in difficult circumstances and suffering. While we cannot fathom to know what it is like for them and how difficult it may be, we pray that our joy will become their joy in some mysterious way, a joy of knowing that their child will be safe, loved greatly, have a wonderful home, and think the world of them for this heroic choice. We pray God sends them peace, health, strength, perseverance, comfort, love and whatever they need through this situation. We look forward to being there for them - if they would like us to have contact with them - because our hearts are full of love for them too, especially the mother who makes such a difficult sacrifice here.
Thank you for choosing us; we are so deeply humbled. We will not let you down, we will love your daughter as our own with a love that is greater than mere human love, a love that reflects Christ's own love who sees in every person at every point of their lives a precious son or daughter of God's from their toes to the depths of their souls. Thank you God for mysteriously working through this situation to bring this greater love of yours to the world.
Adoption related stuff:
Okay, technically this happened December 1st, but close enough! The big recent news is that we are now officially in a second "pool" for waiting parents - yayyyy! Open Door adoption agency gave us the green light on December 1st that we are now an "active" waiting family with them, meaning that they can show our profile book to any expectant moms who might be interested in a family like ours. We're really happy about this, and also relieved that for the time being paperwork is DONE!!!
It's similar to our printed profile book, but with a few less pictures. There might be more text though (there's a lot more than what shows up with the screen shot). As with the hard-copy book, it was tough to decide on which pictures to show, and what to say! This part of the process has felt very vulnerable to us, having to show who we are to a prospective birth parent through "static" pictures and text - what pictures to choose? who should be in them? close-ups? formal? and so on. Writing up our story really puts ourselves out there, too. We've become pretty comfortable talking about our hope to adopt, our struggle with infertility, etc., but it still feels a little scary to be so open! We have to keep reminding ourselves: it's not about being perfect (whatever that means) but about being the best fit for someone who chooses us to raise their child (what an awesome responsibility!).
So what happens now? We keep waiting! (naturally) We are still working with St. Joseph's, our original placement agency, but could now receive calls from Open Door as well. There's nothing left to "do" at this point from our end in terms of paperwork or preparations. For the first time in a while, it looks like we really will be just waiting, living our lives while we wait and see when and where our adoption will happen.
Speaking of waiting, a friend of ours from grad school wrote a beautiful reflection on waiting that we wanted to share: https://blessedisshe.net/the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year-2/. The line that really jumped out at us was "I’ve come to view waiting not as something to breeze through as quickly as humanly possible, but as something to be embraced and be transformed by."
That is our prayer, too! That this time of waiting (which from a human perspective feels longer every day) will not be just a holding pattern or a "blank" time, or something we rush through as quickly as possible (not that we have much control over that) but a time that transforms us by the grace of God to be the people - and hopefully one day the parents - that he has called us to be.
Thank you for your continued prayers!
Other Stuff We Did:
We were cultured this month! Bethany went to see Mary Poppins at a local theater with a dear friend whose sister was in the show. Then we both went to the Symphony thanks to free tickets through Dan's PhD program. And finally for Bethany's birthday, Dan took her to see the Nutcracker, which was playing just a few minutes from our house.
Bethany travelled to Baltimore for an annual work trip and Dan joined her for a few days. Despite being a work trip, this one always has some lovely moments of time spent with coworkers "off the clock" and time for sightseeing.
View of the harbor from the 37th floor of the World Trade Center
Dan took the helm!
We also travelled to Pennsylvania to visit Bethany's family over Thanksgiving. We got TWO big Thanksgiving-day meals, one at a big extended family reunion, and one at Bethany's childhood home. We also saw a movie together ("Arrival" - excellent), did a family craft (making evergreen baskets), watched a lot of football (let's not talk about that) and just enjoyed relaxing with mom, dad, and their hyperactive dog Penny.
Pre-food coma
Penny did not contribute to this project
Finally, Bethany had a birthday! This year it was on the first Sunday of Advent, which was delightful. We got our home ready for this beautiful season of joy, peace, and WAITING (perhaps the Lord would like to teach us something new about this!). And Dan made Bethany's birthday SO special: breakfast out at a lovely local cafe, the Nutcracker in the afternoon, and a homemade dinner at night plus the world's smallest birthday cake (which was fine with her after eating so many sweets during Thanksgiving!).
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
All two bites were delicious
We hope you had a lovely November, Thanksgiving, and a blessed start to Advent!
We have a life update on something that's adoption-related but not "about" adopting: we are moving (again), this time to our own home! Yay!!
If you've read our "adoption timeline" page, you know that we moved to our current place because our previous home, a basement apartment, was sans windows in the bedrooms and thus not fire-inspection-approvable and thus not adoption-home-study-approvable (bummer). Our current home has been amazing for us! For the past two years we have rented from friends of ours who had to move out of town for work, and have shared a lovely home with two wonderful housemates and their dog. The rent is great for our area, allowing us to save and save and save toward our adoption and future life in general. And our housemates have been so supportive of our adoption plans, which involved them by way of background checks, TB tests, and vaccine records - even the dog had a role to play!
But now it's time to move on, literally. As our two-year lease drew to a close, we talked and prayed about whether we should stay or try to find a new place. For our future long-term home, we have wanted someplace a bit bigger (to adopt multiple children, God willing!) and also eventually someplace to ourselves. This home we thought would make us stronger adoption candidates as well because we will be able to share with birth mothers that we own our own home. So we decided to dip our toes in the house market pool and just see whether in fact there was anything we could afford (and liked) in our rather challenging and expensive area. To make a long and tedious story short, turns out there was! Further, just for transparency's sake, we wanted to tell everyone that (of course) we will not be touching any of the adoption fund savings or donations, so we won't be delaying our adoption plans too much.
Thanks be to God, we found a fantastic house that is just right for us and (God willing!) our growing family down the road. It is bigger than our current house and in a great, peaceful neighborhood with lots of nearby amenities: a pool, library, parks, churches, etc.
It has been a whirlwind getting everything figured out for the home purchase and move, while staying on top of adoption paperwork too! June is when three of our important forms come around for renewal: medical form, fingerprints (FBI background check) and child safety form (a state form showing that we have not been convicted of child abuse in the past year). One day at a time, and thanks to our adoption agency's amazing staff, we're staying on top of everything!
Once we move (July 16) we will need to update a number of other forms that are house-specific: our family safety plan in case of an emergency, the fire inspection, our family monthly budget and overall financial picture, and so on. Our social worker will come back for a walk-through of our new house, and then we will be good to go!
So the home-buying is a bit of a detour on our adoption process, and we are itching to get moved and back in the game so to speak. But the minor detour of a few weeks as we move will put us in a fantastic position for the next years and years of our lives. We will have the bedrooms now to welcome more than one child - maybe more than one at a time - and we will be more settled and ready to (hopefully) watch our family grow.
We'll leave you with a picture of our new home :) and an invitation to come visit next time you are in Maryland or DC!
On Friday May 1st, I got a phone call from the director of the domestic adoption program at our agency, telling me that our application has been approved by the application review board and that we can now set up an intake meeting to begin the home study.
Woo hoo!!!
Maybe it sounds silly, but Dan and I were a little - okay, a lot - nervous about our application being accepted. A lot of it was probably just the normal nervousness of starting something so huge and being dependent (definitely not for the last time) on the decisions of other people - strangers as of now - to move forward toward our dream of being parents. That's pretty nerve-wracking.
Both of us prayed a lot for our application to be accepted, and for peace no matter what.
As it turns out, we got the green light less than two weeks after the agency received our application, which to us is a great sign of their efficiency, and a good confirmation that we're a good fit with them.
The next step is what's called an intake meeting, which we are scheduling for mid-May. At this meeting, we will meet with agency staff and receive an overview of what the home study will entail. We'll also get the many forms that are needed for the home study, and get a chance to ask any questions we have.
Exciting stuff!
More about getting approved - largely so that we remember this moment:
I was actually on a bus en route to New York City when the agency called. I was heading up to Connecticut to attend my godson's baptism, and the bus had just arrived within view of the NYC skyline when my phone rang.
I didn't recognize the number, but saw that it was local, so I picked it up. It indeed was "the call" I had been waiting for, and my heart started to pound! I only just grasped what the director was saying - we've been approved, let's move forward - plus it was hard to hear on the bus - and was able to make a few brief replies before we concluded our conversation with the director telling me she would email me some meeting dates.
After hanging up, I had such a surge of joy! It felt so good to have concrete confirmation that we're actually doing this - we have actually started the adoption process. This is for real. So many emotions flooded my heart: joy, relief, peace, and excitement, for starters. I wish Dan had been with me, but he was several states away, running a weekend retreat for children of divorce. I texted him right away, and we were able to speak later that evening.
It was a very graced moment, and I hope it's a taste of moments to come filled with joy. (Of course, we know that there will probably be many moments of anxiety, uncertainty, and sorrow, too. But hopefully joy will have the last word!)
Getting the call on a Friday, too, was such a blessing, because I was able to relax and enjoy the weekend with my friends, especially my precious new godson!
With my new godson and my goddaughter!
Finally: May 1st was a special day to receive the good news about our application. It is the feast day of St. Joseph the Worker and the start of May, a month traditionally dedicated to Mary, our Blessed Mother. It looks like both Mary and Joseph are looking out for us!
Today - April 20, 2015 - we are thrilled to share that we have mailed our adoption application!!
This is the first official step in becoming adoptive parents - and we're thrilled!
Glamorous parking-lot shot of us and our application - ready to be mailed!!
Over my lunch break, I drove to Dan's work (a few minutes down the road) and we went to Mass together, praying in thanksgiving to have arrived at this moment, and for the path ahead - for all the people that we'll meet along this journey, not least our child and his/her biological parents.
We also lit a candle in front of St. John Paul II's picture and asked for his intercession. And then I drove back to work and put the envelope in the mail. Wow! I don't think I've felt so jittery and excited about mailing something since we sent out our wedding invitations over four years ago!
About the application: it was 12 pages long, and covered basic information like our backgrounds, education, finances and health. We also had to provide four references (who our agency will contact), recent photos of each of us, and a big ol' fat check (first of many - yikes). We started filling it out on April 2nd, which has significance for us: it was Holy Thursday (our engagement anniversary) and also the 10th anniversary of St. John Paul II's death. We finished filling it out this past weekend.
Now, we wait to hear back from the agency. As long as we're approved, the next step is an intake meeting to get the many forms and instructions we need to start the home study, which will occupy us for the next several months. The intake also gives us a chance to meet the social workers and other personnel we'll be working with, and vice versa, and start building those relationships.
Ready, set, here we gooooooo!!!
Taken after mass, to remember what a beautiful Spring day it was
The Lord will give you the bread you need
and the water for which you thirst.
...
While from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears:
